If I always told the truth it be useless because you only trust you. Forest full of trees and not a 1 made a sound. But 2 of’em told everybody about the 3 some. The leaf sways back & forth. Never to hit the ground. If a tree falls and no ones around does it make a sound. The leaf can’t make up it’s mind. They called it a train. Ran thru, sawmill. Everybody wants to be the lumberjack. No tree trunk. Feed me the purity of water. So much of my body is made up of it. I wish my thoughts to be fluid and lucid. Able to shape around the perspective in any realm. There is a now. So there has been something to change ones mind about. For I thought before. I’ve thought no more. Yet, I was always right. The darkest sin is ignorance. Basking in it’s deceit because its whole form cannot be seen. Shine brilliance! I command you to shine! Photosynthesis in the forest before all. If no sunlight, there is no tree to decide if there was a tree that fell when no one was around to make a sound. A single peep from the soul resonates throughout eternity. Let’s call it the universe. this and the next by the other until arrives at another.
The Garden of Nyara
I met a woman that immediately captured my mind. Dare I say, she even captured my heart? I don’t know much, if anything, about her. Yes, it’s true. Yet, in the spirit of sincerity I know my feelings are true as well. In most ways it is inexplicable. Hope fuels my intrigue. The depths of her mind intrigue me. The abundance of her passion, which I suspect is eternal, stimulates me by intimidation. I want to encompass it. Indulging that fear makes all others palatable. My crude intentions may have been rooted in carnal desires. It grows, however, with the best of intentions sprouting fruits bearing the most essential of elements, love, grace, joy, peace. The Garden of Eden comes to mind. Considering what that fruit was, separating man & woman from heaven, I say even from each other, this fruit is its counter-part. It is, in turn, returning man & woman to its creator. Can I go? Yes, of course. That was his promise. Will I go? Dare I eat of the fruit? I would not be here if I had not eaten of the forsaken fruit. Why is there any question, nay, any hesitation in eating of the promised fruit? The devil swarms this garden as well. Deathly insects plant seeds of doubt, discouragement. But in this place they cannot take root. I ramble on in these thoughts. This confusion, again, reminds me of the sincerity and purity of my feelings. Because no matter how I word it the page never appears to be covered with my feelings. Simply letters, they are simple letters at that, trying their damndest. They are simple letters used in place of what I simply can’t say…I want to eat of her fruit. Here and now, I denounce my previous habits. Specifically the habit of consuming those things that were void of the quintessential nutrients. In so, allowing my body, mind, and soul to be tricked into a sense of fulfillment. There, I have found the origin of the lie. Now I may feed the truth. Dear Sir, you now recognize who the key bearer for the prison of the mind is. Looking beyond the bleakly rusted bars of my prison rain drenched I see the most beautiful woman of them all. I serve as witness as she engages her own happiness. She summons me and I know while her joy is in abundance my own will be required. I place the key into the lock and release myself, having disregarded the opportunity for so long in protest. Now, with reason, I have freedom and I come to a joyous realization. Happiness, I pull it from it vine and place it into my mouth. The touch cools my tongue and the taste is succulent and sweet with each and every bit.
I Didn’t Get the Job
I was just told that I wasn’t selected for another position that I felt I was perfectly qualified for. I worked out afterwards partly to take my mind off it, partly as a snub to everyone that seems to doubt me, and partly because I don’t have anything else to do. After I got the rejection email I sat in silence with tears welling behind my eyes. I repeat over and over to myself “I don’t know what to do”. That in itself is futile because of course I would do something different if I knew what differently to do. Right? Am I creating this on some subconscious level? After my workout I said drenched in sweat. I thought to myself how convenient the sweat was because now no one could see the tears on my face. This hurts a great deal. It angers me and it pushes me further away from other people. You see, no one thinks enough of me to call and check on me. My mind often journeys into imaginations of a fruitful life where those that ignored me and neglected are forced to admire from afar my success. How does one gracefully surrender their dreams? I’m nearly 31. Never married and I keep having this thoughts from my 20’s when people talked about how if you’re 32 and never been married there’s probably something inherently wrong with that person. The disappointment works to overwhelm me at this point. It has ample ammunition. I have ample reason to submit. But again, part of why I write these things are because I don’t want to keep them bottled up inside myself. Allowing them to fester and take root in my mind and over my spirit. I recognize that I do not have anyone to talk to but I have the internet. So I talk to it. Rockie Fresh – No Fear – YouTube
Where My Emotions Lie
I just finished watching a very interesting story on Frontline. I was a videography, if you will, on the lives of two families dating back to the 1980’s. It covered the struggles of these families through unemployment, underemployment, foreclosure and so on. It was very sobering in realizing the real struggles of others. I must admit that I have often taken comfort when recognizing that pain and hardship afflicts others as well. I am embarrassed in that this is so. I very strongly dislike this selfish and evil perspective. As I work to become a better person this is one matter in which the fruit is the labor. I wanted to stop and share this 
before I head to bed, taking my rest so that I can approach the new day with purpose and the energy to exert effort.
My Feelings as I Search for Meaningful Employment
I just want to write as a release. I’ve battled off depression a great deal over the past 7 months. Probably the past 4 years to be more precise. You see, I have a degree from college and I’ve opened 2 small businesses yet I have been unsuccessful in finding employment. Meaningful employment, that is. I say meaningful employment because I’ve found a couple of jobs that paid minimum wage but nothing that allowed me to pay my bill, have any sort of lifestyle and pay off the debt I’ve accumulated. It wears on me so much more on some days than others. I spend hours studying the Microsoft Office suite in hopes that it’ll put me in a better position to get a good job. Shucks, I don’t really want a job. I want a career. I often sit in envy of my colleagues from college. I watch as they talk about their work exploits and see the joy in their faces as they live the lives that are afforded to them because of their employment. It hurts me a great deal. It’s hard to accept the detrimental effects’ being in a position without employment has on an individual. I make a conscious effort not to be sad. This blog is an example of that. I don’t really have anyone that I can talk to, so in turn I very often talk to myself. This is going to be cool to look back on when I’ve reached the next chapter in my lifeJ!
Truly,
Robbie L. Miller
robbielmiller 